Couples Therapy
Does this sound familiar?
You still love your partner, but lately it feels like you’re speaking two different languages. You’re stuck in the relationship roundabout, having the same arguments over and over with no end in sight. The more you try to fix things, the worse they get. But you dread spending years on a couch rehashing the same old problems.
If this sounds like your relationship, you’ve come to the right place.
I provide a safe, supportive setting for important conversations, identify the root causes of problematic patterns and behaviors so we can tackle them head-on, and help you build the skills to create a whole new marriage, together (and without spending endless years on “the couch”). This “whole picture approach” is much more than just talk.
Many marital issues have to do with each individual’s own relationship skills (or lack thereof) or past history and trauma. Therefore, even if the current marriage ends, the individuals will carry those issues with them to the next relationship. Did you know that nearly 50% of first marriages end in divorce, but 60% of second marriages do so?
That’s why I believe it’s so important to help each partner understand the WHY behind their behaviors and patterns – we can’t change what we don’t understand. My approach gets to both the “we’s” and the “me’s.” We’ll also uncover and reconnect with your values as individuals, as a couple, and (if you have kids) as a family, getting to what’s really important to each of you, which makes decision-making and taking action so much easier.
Together
We will meet together to review your concerns & goals and allow me to observe relational dynamics.
Partner #1 Solo
One-on-one session: deeper dive into individual concerns, desires & obstacles.
Partner #2 Solo
One-on-one session: deeper dive into individual concerns, desires & obstacles.
Together
Review my "diagnosis" of what's going on with your marriage/family & map out next steps.
My Process
After an initial consultation call, if you’d like to move forward, I’ll ask you to have your partner call me so that I can also speak with them individually and hear their perspective on your situation. This step is critical to ensure both partners feel comfortable and reassured that I’m not on anyone’s “side.”
With both partners on board, we’ll complete a swift but thorough 4-session assessment that allows me to “diagnose” what is happening in your relationship and identify some possible solutions.
Once we’ve gotten a handle on what’s going on, we’ll set goals and create a road map to reaching them, step-by-step. From session 1, we begin to have a new view of how things got so bad, shifting from a “good guy/bad guy” story to one about “good people/bad skills.” While everyone is held accountable for their actions, no one is villainized.
As the walls begin to dissolve, we will build a logical, clear action plan to return your family to stability and calm. Once your marital situation is stabilized, you decide what to work on next - or whether to work more at all.
If you decide to continue working with me, we’ll create a treatment plan tailored for your relationship and your family, typically meeting between 2-4 times a month. As needed, I can also refer to and coordinate with other mental health providers for the individual partners, or other couples specialists, such as sex therapists.
If you have kids, you may also want to consider working with me as a family. I can help you craft a new Family Constitution that will create your ideal family culture based on your shared values. Learn More About My Work with Families >
Whatever you choose, I will support you every step of the way as you continue working through your issues and help you build new skills for communication and conflict. As your relational skills improve, feelings of renewed security, trust, and warmth for one another will return. Leave therapy confident in your ability to navigate life’s ups and downs together as a stronger, more secure and connected unit.
Ready to Take the First Step Towards Restoring Your Marriage?
Contact me to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if I'm the right fit for you.
Considering divorce?
Couples therapy is most effective when both partners are motivated to work on their marriage. If one or both of you are feeling ambivalent about pursuing therapy and about staying married at all, my Marriage ER service may be a better fit.
SERVICE ADD-ON
Relational Blueprint
The Relational Blueprint is an optional add-on service* I developed that maps out how and why partners affect one another in the ways they do. This portable diagnostic tool uncovers the root causes of each person’s behaviors that lead to relational problems, and directs them towards the paths to resolution. It’s a couple’s one-page road map to better understanding and course correction.
The Relational Blueprint allows each person in a couple to get clarity on their own part in their relational problems, eliminating the common “villain-victim” model (AKA "the blame game") many couples use. It can enable mutual compassion and actual problem-solving, since ones’ motives are never defined as faulty or bad--only their choices or viewpoints—and thus, both people are far less defensive in their interactions.
Since the Blueprint shows us why a person does what they do and their impact on others, it creates a laser-sharp relational diagnosis of what underlies each person’s problematic behaviors and thus, we can focus their treatment on root causes instead of on symptoms.
It also allows treatment to be more comprehensive, efficient and effective. Instead of prolonging the treatment by breaking the system into pieces, a family can learn to resolve all their relational struggles in one fell swoop. This saves time, money and energy, and increases the chances of success.
*There is an additional fee for the Relational Blueprint mapping service.