Quiz Result:

Discernment Counseling /

Marriage ER

Is it at all possible-even just 1% possible-that your interpretation of your spouse's motives is wrong? That your painful experience of your marriage is very real, but your view that your spouse is weak or bad is not true?

After all, you were 100% sure at the start of your relationship that s/he was wonderful…so which is the true narrative? How can you be sure? What if you could "end" your marriage as it is but can create a new one, with each other?

Context is everything.

If you think it is possible that there are other explanations for your spouse's "bad" behavior, there is a better path for you than an unnecessary divorce. Let's talk about Discernment Counseling. In my practice, I call it Marriage ER.

Learn how Marriage ER / Discernment Counseling can help you >

Discernment Counseling can first help you determine whether the marriage can be saved, and what steps to take first. It answers the questions:

  • - Is this relationship fixable?
  • - If so, what do each of us need to change to fix it?
  • - The quiz told me that we have good intentions but few skills or tools—how can we gain these?
  • - Things are really bad now; won’t treatment take years?
  • - Shouldn’t we get the tools first and then work on things?
  • - What if there was an affair? Addiction? Abuse?**
  • - What if either of us feels panic at the thought of trying to work to fix us again?
  • - What if we work hard for the 6 months—if we take the risk–and it still isn’t enough?

DC is the step to take to answer all those questions, to help each of you discern which path is right for you, and to be supported in moving forward through those next steps. You no longer need to feel alone as you navigate some of the most important decisions of your life. And, exciting fact—there are more options than to just “stay unhappily married” or “get divorced”!

Your family may be appropriate for something called “a therapeutic separation”, where you attempt to save the marriage by alleviating the pressure that causes more damage. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE

Strengthening "Us" - Couple Work

  • Recover from any marital traumas like losses or betrayals.
  • Understand the real reasons for most "bad" spousal behavior--such as underdeveloped skills and triggers--and how to turn your "vicious cycles" of marital interaction into "virtuous" ones.
  • Mend and strengthen the bond between you and your spouse.

My initial 4-session assessment will give your marriage a customized road map to restoring the basic trust, security, and warmth it seeks.

Soon those outdated, romantic comedy-created ideas of love and marriage will be replaced with a full toolbox that can lead to a lasting, fulfilling life together.

Here is some “need to know” tips on finding couples therapy that actually helps couples make lasting changes by increasing both connection and skills: CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION.

Want help finding someone in your area? Visit moderncommitment.com.


Short on time, money or energy these days? For those of you who can’t get to a professional, there is hope. Click here for *low- or no-cost options* for making things better.

Believe it or not, important changes can be made even if only one spouse actively works on their marriage.


Click here to learn more: Marriage isn't over divorce ambivalence.

Click here to learn more: Narcissists are everywhere, but they may not be the people you think they are.

**Statistics show that the most dangerous time for abuse survivors is upon leaving their abuser; leaving requires careful planning with qualified helpers. If you think you or your children may be in physical danger, please CLICK HERE.

"To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities."

- Bruce Lee